Things I'm Grateful For: Thirty-One to Forty

31. County sheriffs
32. Bäuerliches Stricken 1 - 3
33. Grace
34. Haven, Maine
35. Eight O'Clock coffee
36. Refrigeration
37. Inter-library loans
38. Hiking socks
39. Arame
40. Star-shaped ice cube trays

Things I'm Grateful For: Twenty-One to Thirty

21. Conversations with intelligent people
22. The illusion of control over my life
23. Mechanical pencils
24. Rain
25. The apricot light of a late-summer sunset
26. Toothpicks
27. Edward Gorey
28. Needle-nose pliers
29. Quarterhorses
30. Self-correcting problems

Things I'm Grateful For: Eleven to Twenty

11. Binoculars
12. Running water
13. My brother
14. Circular knitting needles
15. S hooks
16. The Burmese Rosewood scent of Voluspa candles
17. Packages in the mail
18. William Shakespeare
19. Small-town thrift stores
20. Fresh raspberries

Things I'm Grateful For: One to Ten

1. Jesus
2. My BFF, Tina
3. Cool Texas mornings
4. Silence
5. Wool yarn
6. The color fuscia
7. Libraries
8. Filing cabinets
9. A full gas tank
10. Blue-ink pens

Stick a Fork In It

Today, July 8th, is the official release day for Stick a Fork In It, the second book in my clean, humorous Poppy Markham: Culinary Cop mystery series

From the back cover copy:

As a health inspector and former chef, Poppy Markham thought she'd seen it all--until she steps into Capital Punishment. The restaurant's twisted concept--last meals of death row inmates--could be a hit only in outlandish Austin, Texas. But the macabre theme becomes all too real when co-owner Troy Sharpe is found dangling from a hangman's noose in the cinder block dining room. Discovering that Troy was a hard-drinking jerk leads Poppy to the rub: if Troy had more enemies than a jail has bars, which one sent him to the land of rigor-mortised restaurateurs?

Also, for the month of July, the first book in the series, If You Can't Stand the Heat, is available for free on Kindle.

Happy reading, y'all!

Resist the Urge

Dear Authors:

Please resist the urge to use the tired, unimaginative, fluff phrase "resist the urge." SHOW us what the character did or thought instead. And if you can't do that, then rework the scene so that resisting an urge isn't required.

For example, in Kevin Wilson's otherwise imaginative book, The Family Fang, he has one of the main characters with a drinking problem resist the urge to drink before her boyfriend picks her up for a trip. Wilson could have shown more of the character by writing something like, "She locked herself in the bathroom and painted her toenails because she couldn't drink and paint at the same time, and she really wanted to drink."

In Bill Crider's otherwise good book, The Wild Hog Murders, his main character, Sheriff Dan Rhoades, resists the urge to hum a tune from an old 1960s television drama. Okay, but Crider could have written something like, "I thought humming the tune from Bonanza would make it seem like I didn't care, so I said..."

p.s. My daily word-a-day experiment didn't last very long. I'm not good with Obligations, and posting every day is the very definition, but I'll try not to resist the urge when it comes upon me.

Circumvent and Lymphatic

The weekend's words were lymphatic and circumvent. (There's a funny scene in Arrested Development where Gob both misprounounces and misuses circumvent.)

• The University of Java's lymphatic efforts to circumvent Travis county health codes earned the restaurant several demerits.

Gradgrind and Gam

Today, I'm working with gradgrind and gam (the verb).

• When Poppy gams on and on about rules and regulations, restaurant owners believe her to be a gradgrind with no friends or social life.
• After the regatta, Nina gammed it up with CiCi Chesterton and the gradgrind boat captain about the specifics of their win.

Can you make a sentence with these words? Comments it in the leave.

Scrooge and Stiction

Today's fun combo: scrooge and stiction. (I'm starting to dislike this experiment.)

• When the hard disk drives on his ancient PC began to fail because of stiction, John Without refused to buy a new computer, prompting John With to secretly think him a scrooge.

Can you make a sentence with these two words? The in it comments leave.

Gamp and Heyday

Today, I'm working with gamp and heyday. They didn't inspire much creativity.

• In Mitch's heyday, they used gamps to keep the rain off their gramps.
• "That's not a gamp, that's a bumbershoot," Nina said, forgetting that in her heyday, they were called parasols. 

Can you make a better sentence with these two words? It in leave the comments.

Gambol and Fagin

The only thing I can say about the two words from yesterday--gambol and fagin--is that they both have a G.

• While cooling her heels in jail for Evariste Bontecou's murder, Ursula accused her cellmates of trying to corrupt her, cursing them as fagins who never gamboled.
• After her husband's death, BonBon Bontecou, the black-haired widow of the late Evariste Bontecou, gamboled back to Monte Carlo where she took up with a band of fagins who taught her how to cheat at cards.

Can you make a sentence with these two words? Comments in the leave it.

Elixir and Wellerism

Yesterday's words: elixir (I like the way that word looks on the page) and wellerism. Instead of my usual combination sentences, I offer some wellerisms using the word elixir.

• "Water is the elixir of life," said the pool boy as he skimmed the surface.
• "The right spin is the elixir of life," said the golf pro as he bogeyed his tee-off.
• "I am the elixir of life," said the chemist to the chemicals.
• "Breakfast isn't all it's cracked up to be," said the egg as it hit the pan.

Can you make a wellerism? Leave it in the comments.

Bright-line and Cook's Tour

A.Word.A.Day is run by one person and doesn't send out words on the weekends, but Merriam-Webster has lots of money and employees, so they do. Monday's posts will consist of the weekend words from M-W. Saturday's was bright-line; Sunday's was Cook's tour.

• Mitch Markham's attorneys and golfing buddies, Ari and Ira Gross, gave him the Cook's tour of the golf club and a bright-line of its rules.

 Can you make a sentence with these two words? Leave it in the comments.  

Gascon and Arbalest

Yesterday's words: gascon and arbalest. It's almost like A.Word.A.Day and Merriam Webster know I started this feature and are making a point. But I will not be cowed.

• When Evariste Bontecou claimed to have once fallen 13 deer in a single morning with his arbalest, Ursula dismissed him as a gascon. Believing she accused him of being a native of Gascony, he became insulted, but calmed down after Trevor explained that a gascon was a braggart.

Can you make a sentence with these two words? Leave it in the comments. 

Loath and Sybarite

After the last couple of days' words-of-the-day, loath and sybarite feel like an argosy of words to apply to my characters.

• Even when confronted with a $10,000 charge for several pairs of Christian Laboutin shoes, Nina was loath to admit her sybaritic affection for the trademark red-soled pumps.
• Not a sybarite herself, Poppy is loath to take a vacation longer than a single day.
• According to Jamie Sherwood, the new restaurant in the tony northside Paladin shopping complex, The Emperor's New Rolls, is an "homage to sybaritic sushi that anyone who enjoys craft as much as carp should be loath to miss."

Can you make a sentence with these two words? Leave it in the comments. 

Intercalate and Damascene

I thought intercalate and damascene would be awful to use in a sentence, but not really.

• After much practice and patience, Nina's plastic surgeon intercalated youthful days into the calendar of her life by reducing the damascene on her face.
• Once, Evariste Bontecou tried to pass off damascene as chicken by intercalating traditional Jamaican jerk spices into the meat, assuming we "stupid Americans" wouldn't notice.

Can you make a sentence with these two words? Leave it in the comments.

Contaminate and Paladin

Contaminate and paladin are our two words from yesterday. More challenging than they would seem at first glance, which is why I came up with only one.

• Poppy Markham, paladin of Austin diners, combats bacterial contamination with only a thermometer, a flashlight, and a score sheet.

Can you make a sentence with these two words? Leave it in the comments.

Yegg and Argosy

I love words and subscribe to two word-a-day emails. One from Merriam Webster, the other from A.Word.A.Day. Because I can't ever think of anything good to blog about, I'm starting an experiment that challenges me to use any meaning of both words in a sentence or three using my Poppy Markham: Culinary Cop characters.

I'll also be making haiku from these words on hai•TEXAS•ku blog.

My two words from yesterday: yegg and argosy. Oy.

• During a surprise health inspection, Poppy surprised a yegg relieving Austin's restaurants of their argosies of armagnac.
• Ursula opened Markham's walk-in door and held back the octopus while she eyed the yegg delivering the argosy of prosciutto, veal, and tomatoes for Saturday's Italian Independence Day menu.
• Nina once claimed that her two Chinese Hairless Cresteds, Dolce & Gabbana, stopped a yegg from breaking into her room safe on an argosy bound for Greece. (She referred to herself as the "rich cargo.") The thief was apprehended at poolside when Nina pointed out the pinprick toothmarks on his ankles.

 Can you make a sentence with these two words? Leave it in the comments.

Merry Christmas, Y'all

Where I've Been

I haven't been everywhere, man, but I've visited 19 of our United States. According to this website, that's 38%.



Some trips have been to visit friends. Some were made a lifetime ago when I was a marketing rep for a software development company. And some were just get-aways.

Funny that I've never even visted the three states I often think about moving to: Oregon, Minnesota, and Maine.

Vigesimal

Vigesimal. Sounds like something that needs a shot of penicillin to make it go away. But it's a cool new-to-me adjective that means twentieth, or based on the number twenty. It could still sound icky depending on how you use it.



By noon, Poppy had written up her vigesimal health code violation.

Nina scheduled her vigesimal plastic surgery.

Ursula and Trevor celebrated their vigesimal encounter.

Olive felt like ralphing after eating that vigesimal pork rind.

I'm Not Really a Poet

Once in a while, usually when my fiction feels lifeless, I get a hankering to read poetry. Poets treat words like pinballs in a machine, banging them around with lines and stanzas to send them ricocheting off other words and ideas.

I don't get most poems so I don't read randomly, but I really love the poems of former US Poet Laureate, Billy Collins. I don't get all of his poems, either, but I can understand most of them and it makes me feel smart. Litany was my introduction to him on NPR and is still my favorite.

When someone does something I admire, I want to know how he does it. Writing anything is mysterious. I know that. But still, I wanted to know how Billy does it. So I studied more of his poems and read interviews where he explains how he writes them, and did exactly what he said he does.

The result is "A Friday Afternoon," a poem in the style of Billy Collins about writing a poem in the style of Billy Collins. You can read it along with a lot of other poems in the 2012 Texas Poetry Calendar from Dos Gatos Press.

Sunday Is Texas Author Day

This Sunday, October 30th, from 2:00-5:00 PM, I'll be at the San Marcos Public Library for their 8th Annual Texas Author Day, a smaller, more intimate version of the Texas Book Festival. I'll be one of about 40 Texas authors, signing books and meeting readers.

Come on out and support books, authors, reading, and Texas.

Rules and Regulations

I love rules. Really love them. They mean that someone a) is in charge and b) has considered the likelihood of things getting out of hand and c) has put measures in place to keep things neat and orderly. I love neatness and order.

Hop on over to Inkspot, a collaborative of Midnight Ink authors, and read the rest of my post about why I love rules and regulations.

Festering Over Festoon

As a person who makes her living with words, you'd think I would love every single one of them, but for no rational reason, I loathe the word festoon. It's a self-consciously jaunty word that shares its first syllable with fester, which is what I do every time I see it in print.

Hop on over to Inkspot, a collaborative of Midnight Ink authors, and read the rest of my post about this word I can't stand.

If You Weren't What You Are, What Would You Be?

I've had lots of jobs over my several years of life.

When I was 15, I got my first job in an upscale toy store, answering phone call after phone call about the availability of Madame Alexander dolls and taking payments for games, plush toys, and other items on lay-a-way.

Hop on over to Inkspot, a collaborative of Midnight Ink authors, and read the rest of my post about what I would be if I weren't an author.

Please Ignore Common Wisdom

Living a right life is fine for you, but awful for your characters. They need to make bad decisions. They need to do the wrong thing. They need to suffer and be insufferable. There has to be conflict, tension, mayhem. If you're not sure how to make that happen, start with common wisdom and have them do the opposite.

Hop on over to Inkspot, a collaborative of Midnight Ink authors, and read the rest of my post on character development.

Can You Judge a Book By Its Cover?

Imagine being embarassed about your child's appearance. Not the color/length/amount of their hair or their low-slung jeans and silly t-shirts (well, okay, this one is clever), but the closeness of their eyes, the thinness of their lips, the de Bergerac-ness of their nose. You had no choice how they came out, really, but you have to live with these attributes for the rest of your life.

Hop on over to Inkspot, a collaborative blog of Midnight Ink authors, and read the rest of my post.

Interview on Working Stiffs Blog

Oh, that Poppy. She loves rules and regulations, lists and procedures, things that are black and white. Her t’s must be crossed, her i’s dotted, and her clothes arranged by type and color in her closet. Poppy is a planner. She likes to know every little detail about every little thing in advance.

Hop on over to the Working Stiffs blog to read more of my interview with C. L. Phillips.

KAZI Radio Interview with Hopeton Hay

On Mother's Day, the official pub date of my book, I gave my very first radio interview with Hopeton Hay of the KAZI Book Review on Austin's KAZI 88.7 FM.

May is Texas Mystery Month, and Hopeton had two well-known crime writers on his show—T. Jefferson Parker and Harlan Coben—and me.

Click here for a direct link to the interview and Hopeton's review of my book. I'm about 3/4 of the way into the interview after Harlan Coben. Yes, I had to follow Harlan Coben.

Other than sounding like I'm 12 years old, I think it went well.